Silent Witness
by T.Storm
Summary: Shinji wakes up after Third Impact and doesn't remember a thing. His mind is plagued by vague memories as he wanders through the ruins of Tokyo 3.


I started this project for studio402, and it might be put up as a story for studio402 in the future, but I'm not getting a response from any of the members right now so I thought I'd put it up under my own account since, well, this is my story. Anyway I hope you'll enjoy it and would like to get some feedback so tell me what you think, don't be shy! This story starts where EOE left off so knowledge of the movie is a pro.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, its' characters nor am I affiliated with Gainax and their products in any way.

---

He staggered through the ruins, wondering what had caused the utter destruction of the city around him. He couldn't remember a thing, all he had was a nagging feeling at the back of his mind, like an itch he couldn't quite reach. He didn't know, so he just kept on moving. He didn't know where, he just moved, to stay warm, to feel like he was making progress, to feel anything else than the struggle in his mind, fighting to remember what was going on. He'd left the girl with fiery red hair on the beach. It seemed so cruel to do that, but all he knew was that he did not wish to stay. Not after what he'd done.

It was his first memory, or so it seemed. He knew there was more before that, he knew there was something he'd done, or gone through, but what? All he knew was that his hands had acted as if possessed.

A flash of blue in the corner of his eye, that was his first memory. He looked to his side, and found a blue haired girl, floating above the orange sea. He had felt a pang of hurt, seeing that solemn figure, and another pang as she vanished before his eyes. All it took was a blink of an eye, yet it left him wondering who that girl was, and if he hadn't imagined it all from the start.

The pain he'd felt, the feeling of rejection, at that moment, for some reason, it seemed like the best thing to do. He didn't even know why he felt rejected, he just did. So, with all that frustration built up in his mind, he decided to commit that terrible act to a person he didn't even know, or thought he didn't know. He'd tried to strangle that red-haired girl, tried to kill her, but when she touched him he couldn't finish that act.

He'd cried, but didn't know why, and he'd ran. He felt lost, and in fact was quite lost. Lost in his mind, in this city, or what remained of it anyway. He couldn't even remember who he was himself.

He'd looked himself over in a broken window, that which once belonged to a store. The boy that stared back, his hair ruffled, clothes stained and torn. He had just stood there, for what seemed like an eternity, and looked himself over. He didn't know the person he saw in the window, just like he didn't know the two girls of two days prior. He just didn't understand why he couldn't remember, he tried so hard to remember, but all that thinking had left him with a terrible headache, as if it was deterring him from digging too deep.

The only real certainty he'd had for the past two days was that he was hungry. His stomach hurt so much, almost as much as his head, and heart. He dropped to his knees, for what must've been the hundredth time since he started walking two days ago. He rubbed his eyes violently, then his temples, hoping that it might somehow make him remember what the hell was going on, but, like all the ninety-nine times before, he remained clueless of his identity, as well as his whereabouts.

Seeing the futility in trying to remember his past, he got up and just walked, walked wherever his legs took him. He kept his head blank, just focussing on the placement of his feet on the unstable ground beneath them, trying to keep his balance as he made his way through the rubble.

He was beyond tired, but he kept on going. Every time he set a milestone for himself. _Just make it to that pile of rubble._ And then, when he'd reached it, he'd set another. _Just get to that tree, then you can sit down._ This went on, it went on so long he didn't remember when he first promised himself to sit down at the next 'milestone'. He had just climbed over the debris of a destroyed building, having broken this promise for the umpteenth time, when he turned around. He was so tired he didn't notice at first, but as his tired eyes came into focus he slowly ground to a halt, his mouth agape as he looked at the spectacle before him.

His eyes nearly dropped from their sockets as he took in the sight before him, a gigantic hole, miles in diameter, reaching as far as the mountain chain that circled the destroyed city. Slowly, he took a step forward, then another one, this time less hesitant, and then another. Absentmindedly he noticed the foul smell in the air, that of burnt metal, wood, and various other materials he couldn't quite place. It would've made him sick to his stomach if he would've taken the time to stop and take it all in.

There was a feeling about this place, a strange sense of déjà vu. It was as if he had been here, had witnessed it all. He tried to remember, tried to put what he was seeing right now into context, but trying to remember just brought up a lot of clutter and noise within his mind, as if listening to static on a radio. Perhaps what lay before him could tell him something, help him remember.

He took a tentative step towards the edge of the crater, and found the ground underneath his feet crackling as he put his weight on it. He looked down, surprised, and found the source of the putrid smell. The ground was scorched pitch black, and covered in what seemed like glass. He simply couldn't imagine what intense heat could've caused the stone to turn to glass. Whatever happened here had caused great destruction, and it had, without a doubt, something to do with the state of the city around him.

He slowly stepped closer to the edge, and looked down into the cavernous space of the hole. It was so deep that he felt momentarily overtaken by vertigo, and quickly stepped back, staggering with dizziness. Swinging his arms wildly to try and regain his balance, he finally fell backwards hitting his head hard on the scorched rocks. He lay still for a moment, and groaned in pain. His eyes came back into focus, though he was still a bit dizzy from the hit on his head, and got back on his feet a moment later. That turned out to be a bad idea, as his dizziness worsened significantly simply from the act of standing up.

The dizziness and putrid smell, that was now finally beginning to penetrate his nostrils, turned out to be too much. He dropped to his knees and palms and dry heaved a couple of times, no food in his gut to expel. He tried to take in a deep breath, but the smell was still there. Wanting to get away as quickly as possible he got back on his feet, and staggered away. He felt miserable. His head hurt so much, and his stomach wasn't cooperating either so he tried to move faster, but he couldn't see clearly anymore. He ground to a halt, and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, to try and focus his vision.

Scanning his surroundings he finally found a descent enough place to rest, a decayed building only just undamaged enough to give him some cover from the cold wind. He stumbled forwards again, the sudden movement becoming too much, and dropped to his knees again. Immediately he tried to get up again, trying to push himself up with his hands. After two tries he gave up and simply crawled towards the cover, his skin and clothes now black from the burnt earth.

He pushed himself in the corner of the building, nothing significant left to remind him what this construction had been used for before its' destruction. Finally he sat himself down in the corner, back to the wall. He wanted to stay awake, but he was too tired and dizzy to keep his eyes open any longer. It wasn't too long before he finally succumbed to a deep sleep.

---

In a jolt he awoke, and sat up on the hard concrete floor he had slept on. His muscles ached all over, disagreeing with him for his choice of sleeping arrangements. He breathed in the crisp air and shivered, though not from the cold, but from the disturbing dream he just had. His mind was cloudy, and he couldn't quite grasp what he had seen in his deep slumber, just that bright, all consuming ball of fire, burning on his retinas, expanding towards him and then... that girl again. The girl with blue hair, looking at him with an impassive gaze yet… crying silent tears.

He got up immediately, and started towards an unknown destination. It was like the day before, and the day before that, just walking to get somewhere, anywhere. Even though he felt like he was walking around aimlessly again, there was a difference in his stride that told him he somehow knew where he was going, like there was some sort of beacon calling out to him from a distance.

As he walked, he no longer wondered about his surroundings, he just walked to wherever his subconscious was taking him, as if it was telling him to go to a place that was of great importance. He just looked forward and thought of nothing. Nothing except that girl.

He had been walking for what must've been at least a few hours until he found himself on higher ground, overlooking the devastation of the city, the huge crater with charred remains surrounding it, and a lake. No, another crater? Yes, another crater just outside the city, that was where he was going. He had to go there, his mind was telling him, and he didn't know why. But what else was there for him in this place? He had nowhere to go so he just followed that feeling in his gut, telling him there was something he might learn at that other crater, give him new insight in his dire situation.

---

What lay before him was a perfectly circular crater, taken over by the water and formed into a lake. He couldn't even remember the journey that took him to where he now stood, couldn't remember how long it had taken him to get to here except that he had spotted this place from the hill that lay behind him.

It had started to become dark, he noticed finally as he gazed at the stars above him. He could only see a few through the thick and heavy clouds above him. He could sense the wrong in this place, as he once again laid his eyes on the lake before him, the terrible wrong that seemed to have claimed this piece of land. He felt sad, as sad as he had ever felt as far as he could remember. Perhaps coming to this place had been a bad decision after all, it seemed so merciless, unrelentingly tense. It clawed at his aching heart as he stared ahead, seeing nothing, just staring for the sake of staring.

He closed his eyes, and could see the flash, feel the heat on his skin again as he felt in his dream. Something warm slipped down his cheek, and ran over his lips. Salty, tears. He was crying again, like three days ago, not knowing why besides that it had to do with the blue haired girl.

As if on cue it started raining, starting with a slight drizzle, but quickly turning into a heavy downpour. He just stood there, letting the rain flush over him, crying. The rain was cold but gentle, and as he kept his eyes closed he turned his face to the sky, allowing the rain to drain away his tears.

He tilted his face down again, outstretched his arm, and opened his eyes slowly, simply looking at the raindrops impacting with his skin. He opened his hand, palm to the skies above, still simply looking at the raindrops. He cupped his hand, cradling the water within, and slowly overturned his hand, the water mingling with the dirt on his fingers, then slipping through them and to the sandy ground under his feet. The feeling of the water slipping through his fingers mirrored the emotions running through him, as if all that he once had had slipped away like the water slipped away right then. Tumbling down to the earth, the beautiful drops of water impacted with the ground and disintegrated.

He dropped to his knees and clawed at the ground, hoping to find a solution to his situation, hoping to find answers in the sand. After a while he simply stopped, closed his eyes again and lay down, hoping to melt away in the sand like the raindrops that fell from the clouds. He curled up into a ball and sobbed for a long time He looked up one more time and saw that girl again. A soft smile crossed her face and he smiled back despite his tears, then finally fell away into unconsciousness.

--- 

He looked to the bloodstained cross pendant in his hand, let it slide from his palm, and dangled it from the cord strapped around his finger. He slapped his hands over his eyes hard. How was this happening to him? How could everything be _this_ wrong?

"Damn it… damn it… _damn it!_" Even barely over a whisper, his voice and throat strained under the words. His throat felt clogged, and his eyes brimmed with tears, one or two spilling from his eyes and slipped through his fingers.

A chill ran down his spine as he felt a familiar presence, like an aura around him, slowly thickening. He looked through his fingers, still clawing at his face as he did so, and saw a being of white moving through the clouds below, towards him. His eyes widened in recognition, but he could say nothing.

Slowly she faced him, her hands reaching out towards him, around him. Her eyes a black void with only a small red pupil centred in the middle. His fingers dug deeper into his skin, and his eyes widened further. "Ayanami…!"

His voice was still barely above a whisper, his breath caught in his throat. "Rei…" As if the simple mention of her first name sparked something in her, her black eyes shut. She opened them again, no longer empty and black, but normal, recognition, compassion in her eyes as she cradled Eva in her hands.

The final straw. His mind could take no more, and he screamed. He sat up straight in a jolt, and found himself in an unfamiliar room, on an unfamiliar bed. He panted heavily as he looked around, dumbfounded.

The scene before him gave him a strange vibe. He was in a hospital, and it somehow gave him the feeling he'd spent a lot of time here. He couldn't quite place it, but it was an unnerving thought nonetheless.

He laid back on the soft mattress, and looked at the ceiling. _Unfamiliar ceiling…_ He frowned at that thought, a sense of déjà vu accompanying it. After a moment his mind trailed off. He looked to the window to his left, and saw the red hues of the setting sun in the distant sky. _Dusk._ He remembered his dream. "…Rei…" He muttered under his breath. _Was that her name? Was that the blue-haired girl's name?_

A squeaking noise to his right pulled his attention away from his thoughts, and he looked at the source. Slowly, the door opened, a young women dressed in a lab coat walked in, blonde hair. She made her way towards him, a soft smile on her face. Another man accompanied her, tinted glasses sat on his nose, his face scrunched up in seriousness. He just stood at the entrance.

She reached his bedside which made him retreat slightly under his covers. That smile on her face seemed fake, and it scared him. "How are you feeling Shinji?" She said after a moment.

_Shinji_ He sat up straight on the mattress, and shuffled uncomfortably. Was that his name, and if so, how did the woman know of it? Had he seen her before?

She waited a moment for him to respond, but his lack thereof made her frown slightly. She shrugged it off and continued. "We were very lucky to find you when we did, Shinji…" The confused expression on his face at the mention of his name struck her as peculiar. Nevertheless, she continued. "When we found you, you were on the brink of death… to be honest, we didn't know if you would survive at first. You've been out for more than a week."

"Shinji…?" He mouthed, barely audible. His face was blank, a hint of sadness in his eyes. It was as if he hadn't even heard the rest of what she had said. "Yes… that is your name. You are Shinji Ikari, Third Child, pilot of Evangelion Unit 01." She swallowed as the boy's blank expression changed into one of confusion. "You… you don't remember?" She looked back at the man at the door which kept unmoving even at her questioning gaze.

_Evangelion?_ A chill shot down his spine. Shinji's gaze dropped to his lap as he drew up his knees to his chest, and encircled them with his arms. "I… I can't remember… What did you mean… p-pilot of U.. Unit… 01?"

"Don't you remember any of your time at NERV? It was your father's organization Shinji…"

"My… father?" He looked at the man at the entrance, and feared his reaction for some reason. _Why?_ This women just walked in, and told him more than his mind was able to process, or willing for that matter. He wanted to know what happened, who he was, but everything she told him felt dangerously familiar. It was as if his mind was warning him not to think too much on the subject of his past.

"Stay here…" Was all she said as she and the man disappeared from the room. Not even noticing the doctors' departure, Shinji just sat, entangled in his confused mind. _Shinji… Ikari_. He thought, his lips moving around the strangely familiar words without a sound. _Why… why is it familiar? I don't know what happened… right? Whenever I think, try to remember… it's all just a void._

_Father_. The very thought chilled him, why did those two seem so familiar, yet so fake? Just why did NERV chill him, pain him even when he thought about it, even though he couldn't remember what it meant to him. They were nothing but words to him. _Right?._ His heart jumped as he questioned himself. They were words accompanied by feelings he didn't understand, but it felt as if he knew them, knew what they truly meant deep inside. Thinking this much about these things frightened him deep down.

He hadn't expected a hospital to be this quiet, even at night. It was as if no one was even there. He let out a shuddery breath, his eyes drooped. He was still exhausted, even though he'd been in a coma for the past week. He dropped his arms from their position around his knees, and rested his legs back on the mattress. As his head slowly dropped back onto the pillow, his eyelids sagged down and finally shut entirely after a few moments.

Darkness, pitch black. His legs felt like rubber, shaky, unstable. He looked up. A huge monster loomed over him, standing as tall as a skyscraper. It's eyes gleamed of white light, straight at him, straight through his skin, and into his soul. _Unit 01? _He jerked suddenly in the bed. His eyes shot wide open, yet still drowsy with sleep his heart raced.

He stayed motionless, and breathed silently, as if the sound of his breathing would alert a beast that would devour him if it found him. He stayed stock-still as minutes past, just telling himself to ignore what he thought. _Don't think about it, don't think about it, just don't think about anything._ He kept his mind clear forcefully, expelling any thought the moment it popped up.

Minutes turned into half an hour, then he finally allowed himself to breathe normally again. As if the danger had passed, he finally let out a shuddery breath. His hand moved to his heart, which pounded with abandon still, as if trying to escape from the confines of his chest.

He was sweating profusely, just staring blankly at the ceiling. His heart was slowly returning to its' normal pace of beating, but he was still afraid, still wouldn't allow himself to think anything. He looked out the window again, dusk had turned into night, the sky dark but clear.

He startled when a face flashed outside the window for a mere millisecond, then vanished into nothingness. Shaking he got up, and despite his scare he slowly walked up to the window. _Second floor?_ Was all he could think as he looked out the window. There was no way he could've seen what he just saw. _She smiled again._

He flinched and squeezed his eyes into tight slits, was he seeing that? It was her again, right outside. His heart jumped, and he jolted out of the room. He had to see her, had to talk to her. He didn't know where he was going but he needed to know, he needed to see her once more. His heart raced as he ran through the empty hallways of the decrepit hospital. He found no one in the hallways, just empty cracked walls and broken wooden floors as he sprinted through.

Finally he was outside, not even caring about whatever purpose there was for him in that hospital. He didn't even want to know those people, but that girl, that blue-haired girl he knew. He looked around, unable to find her again. A slight jolt of pain in his heart when he realized he might not find her. He hyperventilated, looking in every direction. Finally he spotted her in the distance and jolted for her in an instant.

Previously unshed tears slipped from the corners of his eyes as he ran hard, trying to catch up with her impossible. She wasn't even running, yet still he wasn't making any progress. He sobbed harder as he ran, why couldn't he reach her? He yelled out, "Rei!", and she finally turned and looked at him. He ground to a halt and found himself right in front of her. He rubbed the tears from his eyes, yet unable to stop them from running. She was squatting in the grass now, her hand outstretched in the air before her, as if she was grasping for something. He whispered her name again, and she looked over her shoulder to him.

She said nothing, just stared at him with sad eyes. Tears still ran from his own as he beheld her. He stared at her wide-eyed. He didn't dare reach out to her, afraid she might vanish if he did. He spoke again, his amnesia suddenly all but forgotten. "Is… is it really you?... Rei?"

She looked back to the grass before her, hand still outstretched for a moment, but then pulled it back. As if she hadn't heard him she spoke, "May I hold you hand once more?" His heart jumped in recognition and the tears flowed faster as if in response. He sobbed. "Yeah…" Sniffing back his tears he held her hand and looked into her eyes. Her hand was cold but comforting, and he couldn't help but ask; "How does it feel this time?". She said nothing, but smiled once more.

---

His heart jumped, and his mind jolted back into consciousness as he found himself at the edge of a cliff. Finally he understood why he had come here, even though he couldn't remember how. He remembered the rest thought, everything that had happened before.

He looked down the cliff and to the water beneath. The water wasn't near deep enough. Even from here, sixty feet up, he could see the rocky bottom underneath the waves crashing against the shore. He was here to end it, and the rest didn't matter to him. He blinked and for a moment she was standing down there, knee deep in the cold water, her arms outstretched towards him and smiling softly.

He smiled back. For the first time in his life he knew exactly what he wanted. With more determination than he had ever experienced he stepped off the edge, and dropped to the water below head first. He closed his eyes, only feeling the rush of air passing his body as he fell. It felt like a dream, nothing else mattered in these final moments. Before he finally hit the water and the rocks below a tear slipped from his eyes. He smiled and fell into her arms, and into oblivion.

---

Well That was it, I hope you enjoyed it and that you will leave a review even if it's just a simple 'cool', 'it sucks' or whatever.


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